God Help Us All
by henohenomoheji
Summary: AU. To investigate the Akatsuki’s latest gang activity, Sasuke goes undercover to infiltrate an enemy-owned brothel...as a woman. All hell breaks loose. Yakuza, insanity, and crossdressing/drag. Itasasu. R
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Yes, I am Masashi Kishimoto-sensei, and I own Naruto

**Disclaimer: **Yes, I am Masashi Kishimoto-sensei, and I own Naruto. NOT!

To investigate the Akatsuki's latest gang activity, Sasuke disguises himself as a Tokyo prostitute to infiltrate an enemy-owned brothel. All hell breaks loose. Gangs, insanity, violence… Itasasu

--

For those who have issues understanding or need a general overview, please read the author's not at the bottom of the page.

Enjoy.

--

Sasuke ducked, dodging a punch while striking out to his left. Fist met flesh, and another man was sent flying into the alley wall.

Four more rushed in, only to be knocked off their feet in unison by a well placed kick.

Sasuke had no time to rejoice in his accomplishments. They swarmed like bees all around him, all eager to sting.

Block, punch, kick. Sasuke maintained his usual blank look, although he was seething inside. They were weak, small fry, diversions while main members of the Akatsuki took their leave of the alleyway.

Akatsuki. Itachi. Two words that were one in Sasuke's mind.

He could still see his brother's retreating figure, among the others cloaked in black and red, right hand lifted in an indifferent good-bye.

Sasuke ground his teeth together as he took down three more enemies.

The Akatsuki thought him not worth their time. _Itachi _thought him not worth their time.

He slammed his elbow into the gut of an enemy behind him and lashed out at four more in front. They all fell.

Breathing heavily, Sasuke counted six more approaching figures in the darkness. He would take care of them.

--

It was late. This Sasuke knew, as the sun had set several hours ago.

He sat leaning against the grimy alley wall as he waited for his absent partner.

Naruto was slow.

The dobe had ditched him when when he heard that they had patrolling duty, saying something about a date and how he was _sure_ Sasuke would be fine on his own.

Who knew Sasuke would come across an Akatsuki drug swap right in the middle of their turf?

"I'll be back at eleven--my ass!" Sasuke spat.

He had just taken down thirty or so attackers. They were weak attackers, yes, but numerous. Still, he had dealt with them, and a majority of them still lay unmoving in the street.

Tokyo's police were going to one hell of a clean-up case on their hands once the city awoke.

Sasuke's legs were shaky, there was a searing pain in his ribcage, and he was bruised all over.

Plus, he had been so _close_ to getting at his brother.

It was an understatement to say that Sasuke was pissed.

Sasuke grumbled to himself and tried to make himself comfortable against the wall. He failed miserably and felt his dangerous mood blacken even more.

If it was any other day, Sasuke would have ditched the blonde idiot without a second thought, but Tsunade had ordered them to report back together...

Sasuke began ripping his partner to shreds in his mind.

Just as he was about to detach Naruto's head from his body, he heard the patter of footsteps in the distance.

Naruto screeched to a stop in front of him, looked questioningly at the bodies littering the ground, and flashed his trademark grin at his partner.

"Did you wait lo--"

Shwack!

Sasuke had swung at the blonde's face, and was immensely pleased when his fist made contact.

--

Naruto clutched at his rapidly swelling face. "That was a fucking hard punch, you emo bastard!" Sasuke had always been difficult to read, and he wondered what he had done wrong this time.

Naruto voiced his question.

"Hn." Sasuke quickened his pace. "Hurry up, dobe."

--

Tsunade sat alone in her office.

It was already so late, and the two hadn't shown up. She secretly wondered if they'd forgotten and had gone home.

Expertly downing another cup of sake, Tsunade guiltily tried to flatten a large pile of paper stacked haphazardly on her desk: today's paperwork. Swiveling her chair around, Tsunade was faced with six more equally immense piles of paper: yesterday's paperwork (Friday), Thursday's paperwork, Wednesday's paperwork…etc. Shizune was not going to be very happy when she returned.

Tossing her cup aside, Tsunade directly tackled the bottle of sake. Shizune, her assistant, protégée, and slavedriver, and gone on a weeklong vacation to Okinawa. She was apparently due to return in approximately seven hours. Tsunade groaned at the horrors that were to come.

Her study door opened, revealing Sasuke and Naruto, quarrelling like an old married couple. Tsunade's didn't even bother to hide her half-empty bottle of sake.

"Sasuke. Naruto." She nodded at each, using her most imperial tone.

"Kumicho-sama." Sasuke bowed his head respectively.

"Granny Tsunade!" Naruto greeted.

Tsunade graced Sasuke with an appreciative smile before turning her head in Naruto's direction, twisting her face into a demonic snarl that clearly promised an eternity of pain.

Sasuke cleared his throat, snapping her out of her murderous reverie. "Tsunade-sama. You wanted us to report?"

Tsunade visibly jolted in her seat.

"Ah, yes." She turned to her other door. "They should be here soon."

Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other, confused.

Two brisk knocks on the heavy oak doors brought the three of them two attention.

"Come in."

Hyuuga Neji sauntered in, followed closely by the rest of the rookie nine. They all bowed in unison. "Kumicho-sama."

Tsunade motioned for them to join Sasuke and Naruto in the center of the room.

She waited for complete silence before she began.

"I have a mission involving recent Akatsuki interference with our red-light district."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the name but stayed silent.

The group standing in front of her desk were starting to get an ominous feeling.

"Mainly in northern Kabuki-cho."

Silence from the listeners. Tsunade pushed on.

"As you know, we've recently lost Club Arisu to them."

"According to my sources, there's been strange activity going on in there ever since."

More than one of her listeners snorted. It was a _brothel_.

Tsunade decided to ignore them and kept talking.

"I need to know what they're planning. I'm sure it has something to do with Konoha-kai."

"So this is just information gathering?" Sakura asked. "No action?"

"No." Tsunade agreed. "One of you will infiltrate Club Arisu."

"The brothel?" Naruto shrieked. Unable to contain hinself any longer.

Shino shifted uncomfortably. Hinata blushed, and Kiba smirked uncontrollably.

"Yes, the _brothel_." Tsunade kneaded at her temples with her thumbs. She really wanted to get this over with.

Ino stepped forward. "How will the infiltration go?"

"Need I answer?" Tsunade snarled and chugged another mouthful of sake. It was late, and she was in a foul mood.

She didn't need to answer. Everyone already knew.

"So," Naruto gulped, and voiced the question on all their minds. "Who will do it?"

"That's up to you to decide."

--

**Author's Note:**

Lol. Who will be the unfortunate one chosen? I think we already know. RUN SASUKE!

Btw, since I didn't do a good job explaining this in the fic, I shall inform you all here.

This is a _modern day_ fanfiction set in Tokyo, Japan. That's right, no ninjas, no jutsus, no logic defying fighting. There are however, a high-school senior Sasuke(along with the rest of his "friends"), gangs, and street fights.

And also something that you all need to know, Konoha (I will sometimes be calling it Konoha-kai) is a Yakuza group/gang consisting of all of the ninja living in Konoha in the actual Naruto anime/manga…except for maybe Sasuke.

The Akatsuki (I will sometimes call it Akatsuki-kai) is also a gang in this fanfic. They consist of all of the original members from the anime/manga (none of them are dead), plus a whole bunch of (Pein's) underlings from Amegakure.

Most of the other villages in Naruto are separate gangs in this fanfic. (For instance, Suna-kai, Oto-gumi…)

-kai/-gumi: These both mean "group", or "gang" in a sense.

More to come.

Reviews are demanded at gunpoint.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Yes, I am Masashi Kishimoto-sensei, and I own Naruto

**Disclaimer: **Yes, I am Masashi Kishimoto-sensei, and I own Naruto. NOT!

To investigate the Akatsuki's latest gang activity, Sasuke disguises himself as a Tokyo prostitute to infiltrate an enemy-owned brothel. All hell breaks loose. Gangs, insanity, violence… Itasasu

It has come to my attention that in the previous chapter, there was a sentence:

_Hyuuga Neji sauntered in, followed closely by the rest of the rookie nine._

Neji isn't part of the rookie nine. He, Tenten, and Lee are a year older than the rest.

To make things simple,

Rookie NineNaruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Kiba, Hinata, Shino, Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji.

However, just know that Tenten and Lee are standing in Tsunade's office like everybody else.

Yes. That's all I had to say.

Enjoy.

--

"_So," Naruto gulped, and voiced the question on all their minds. "Who will do it?"_

"_That's up to you to decide."_

--

Tsunade stood. "Well then. I'll leave you all to decide." She slapped a sheet of paper onto her desk. "Write your result here. Don't forget to lock up when you're finished."

She left, leaving behind twelve very bewildered teens.

They stood, gaping, as the clicking of Tsunade's heels disappeared down the hall.

Naruto seemed to recover from his state of shock faster than anyone else.

"Soooo guys, any volunteers?"

"It obviously has to be a _girl_." Shikamaru drawled.

"Not necessarily." Neji cut in. "They need to be strong, and as long as they're looks are passable--"

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "Who says a girl isn't strong?"

"So you're volunteering then?"

"N-no! Of course not…I was just saying-- "

Naruto attempted to come to his crush's rescue. "Hey, hey. Of course Sakura-chan's not fit for the job. We need to be able to _attract_ the men to gain information on the Akatsuki. "

Sasuke's eyes widened. Bad move, Naruto.

Sakura smiled; a sweet, poisonous smile, and sent Naruto spiraling into the wall. She turned to the rest of the group, fist still smoking. "Any more suggestions?"

"This is so troublesome."

"We obviously need someone who has the looks, is strong, and naturally attracts people." Kiba ticked of the qualities on his fingers, puffing out his chest. "Someone, other than me."

Ino rolled her eyes.

"Heeeey." Naruto, rejoining the world of the living, just had a bright idea. "Ino's a natural hooker!"

Bad, bad, bad move. Ino sent him flying.

Sasuke was getting tired of this. They just needed someone to go dress up, infiltrate a club, and figure out what the Akatsuki were up to.

'_Wait._' Sasuke drowned out all outside noises and retreated into the dark recesses of his mind.

'_Akatsuki equals Itachi. Itachi equals vengeance. Vengeance equals happiness for Sasuke._' Sasuke smiled.

'_But a brothel..._'

'_It doesn't matter where it's done. As long as I can kill Itachi…_'

'_Dressed as a prostitute? Think of what that'll do to your pride…_'

As Sasuke was having his inner debate, his comrades were already putting a plan into motion.

They crouched in a circle, huddled together. Sakura was holding a clipboard and a pen, ready to write things down.

"Let's see…" Naruto stroked his nonexistent beard. "We'll use this plan then."

Lee nodded enthusiastically. "I'm thinking of a number between one and twenty."

The group had already decided that Lee would not be doing the infiltration. The image of Konoha's green beast in a brothel was just too…disturbing.

Naruto was first, "twenty!"

The rest soon followed.

"Three."

"Four."

"Seven."

"One."

"Nineteen."

"Seventeen."

"Twelve."

"Ten."

"N-nine." Hinata managed to stutter, and the group turned as one towards Sasuke.

"What?" He snapped, having been too immersed in the pros and cons of killing his older brother dressed as a prostitute to have paid much attention to their banter.

"Number between one and twenty, Uchiha." Neji informed him coldly.

Sasuke gave him the finger. "Six."

Lee's grin got even wider. "And we have a winner!"

Sasuke squeaked. A sound he never, never, would have expected to come from an Uchiha.

--

"Wait a minute!" Sakura came to the rescue of her idol.

Ino nodded along. "Sasuke-kun's not fit for this job. He--"

Naruto's devious streak was back. "So you two don't want to _see_?"

They gulped, and looked at each other, blushing furiously.

Sasuke growled. Women. So _easily_ swayed.

Naruto jabbed him in the side. "Itachi will be there."

"Good point, Uzumaki." Shino agreed.

Sasuke was not convinced. He would kill his brother in a proper gang fight, not dressed as some _hooker_ in a goddamn brothel. Sasuke folded his arms in front of his chest and nodded to himself. Yes, Uchiha Sasuke was resolute.

"Club Arisu is disguised as a traditional Japanese tea house." Sakura wheedled, having been won over by Naruto. "You won't have to wear anything too revealing. Just a kimono."

Sasuke sent her a trademark Uchiha glare. Sakura blushed and looked away. Ino giggled.

Kiba stepped up to bat. "C'mon Uchiha. You _know_ how hard it is to locate the Akatsuki. They sometimes disappear for months. If you miss out on this chance…"

Shino adjusted his glasses. "Who knows when you'll see _him_ again."

"I'll do it." Sasuke's voice of reason must have shriveled up and died some time ago in the discussion.

His companion's suddenly sported rather sinister grins.

"I'll get your outfits ready." Ino cooed.

Sasuke wondered what he had gotten himself into.

--

Tsunade stumbled her office with a major headache, having fallen asleep on a pachinko machine and then robbed by some delinquent high schoolers soon after.

"Dammit!" She slammed a fist onto her desk. That kind of thing does _not_ happen to the boss of the Konoha-kai.

The door clicked open. Tsunade paled, feeling the dangerous aura radiating from outside.

"Tsunade-sama." A short haired woman in her early twenties entered, her eyes gleaming with the fires of hell.

"Shi-shizune." The name came out as a squeak.

"Your. Paperwork."

Tsunade stood up, walked towards the open window, and jumped.

"Tsunade-sama!"

--

Sasuke attempted to sit still as Neji finished clipping on his wig and then proceeded to run a brush through the black locks.

Sasuke flinched as a strand of "his" hair grazed his cheek. It was a wig made of real human hair. Somehow he could not be comfortable with the fact that someone had chopped off their hair, had it made into a wig, which was bought by Ino, which was no sitting on the top of his head.

Behind him, Neji smirked. Sasuke looked _good_. Not that he was going to tell the Uchiha that.

Uchiha Sasuke had always had a freakishly feminine face. A freakishly _beautiful_ feminine face. His skin was so pale, so smooth…

"You're done," Neji gave Sasuke a pat on the head a sneered, "Miss."

Sasuke wanted to bite him so very, very, much.

He lost his chance though, when Sakura came running into the room. "Sasuke-kun, it's time to get dressed." She blushed brilliant shade of crimson and ushered him into another room.

Ino and Naruto were waiting for him there.

Upon catching sight of the miserable and very much embarrassed Uchiha, Ino gasped and turned as red as Sakura, which was no easy feat. They stood side to side, giggling and whispering to each other. Naruto was also gaping, his mouth hanging open in a large, stretched out 'o'.

"Don't most people get dressed when they're _in_ the club?" Asked Sasuke snidely, avoiding the words "prostitute" and "brothel". "I don't want to have to walk around in public wearing that--that _thing_!" He spat out pointing at the monstrous thing hanging from the wall.

It was a kimono. A beautiful one at that, from the perspective of the one's who were not going to be wearing it. A rich crimson color at the base and around the sleeves, the color faded slowly away as it traveled along the length of the silk. The kimono obviously depicted autumn, as orange and gold embroidery carefully outlined the imprints of many fallen leaves on the silk. Sasuke looked away quickly, and put on a frown.

Remembering the question he had asked before getting so shamefully absorbed in the article of _women's_ clothing, Sasuke looked expectantly at Sakura for an answer.

She jumped, slightly startled at his sudden gaze. "Well, um. You see…"

Ino picked up on where her friend had left off. "Sasuke-kun, most new, ah, _employees_, dress in the clothes provided by the, ah, _employer_."

Sasuke winced at her attempt at subtlety.

Ino pushed on bravely. "But, you see, if you were to be given clothing and dressed at Club Arisu, they would notice certain _things_ about your gender that we don't want to be found out."

Ino looked expectantly at Sasuke, Sakura nodding furiously by her side.

"Soooo…" Naruto spoke up, rubbing his hands together. "Let's get you dressed."

Sasuke shot him a dirty look for his eagerness.

--

**Author's Note:**

Soooo. Here's another overview.

Because of prostitution laws in Japan, most brothels have gone undercover as more…honest businesses. Traditional Japanese restaurants are one example.

Club Arisu, is a brothel, disguised as such a place. Therefore, I'm having all of its _employees_ (cough) dress up in kimonos. This is to help Sasuke out. Since he has nothing on his chest, it would be easier to stuff the front of a kimono as opposed to the low-cut super revealing short hooker dresses that some other prostitutes sport.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Yes, I am Masashi Kishimoto-sensei, and I own Naruto

**Disclaimer: **Yes, I am Masashi Kishimoto-sensei, and I own Naruto. NOT!

To investigate the Akatsuki's latest gang activity, Sasuke disguises himself as a Tokyo prostitute to infiltrate an enemy-owned brothel. All hell breaks loose. Gangs, insanity, violence… Itasasu

Enjoy.

--

Sasuke sighed, angry at himself for agreeing to this. Not even killing his older brother was worth this insanity.

He stood in the center of Naruto's room, attempting to cross dress wearing a wig and a kimono. What's worse was that it was working.

Naruto grinned. "If you were really a girl Sasuke, I'd be all over you right now!"

Sasuke flipped his long black hair over his shoulder and lunged at his best friend, aiming to kill.

Neji pulled them apart, but his hand stayed on Sasuke wrist a little longer than was comfortable.

"Let's get some mission briefing in before it's time to leave." Sakura put on a pair of reading glasses and pulled out a small composition book. Flipping it open, she found her page and cleared her throat. "Okay, here's the plan. You're obviously not going to let anybody feel you up, because it'll blow your cover."

"Of course not!"

"Right, Sasuke-kun. I was just making sure--"

"Get on with it."

"You'll mostly be serving either in the bar in the back room, or the general restaurant area. Depending on what the manager thinks. The back room is the actual undercover brothel, where people will go to pick up girls."

"Of course I know that," Sasuke spat. "Club Arisu _did_ use to belong to Konoha."

Sakura nodded, unusually businesslike. "Right. Remember to pretend that you don't know where anything is. Ask for directions often." Sakura paused a bit, letting Sasuke digest what she had just said.

Seeing no reaction, she continued. "Keep your eyes and ears open. If, in fact, you see someone from the Akatsuki or someone who may have relations to them, you will do everything in your power to get them into a back room and extract information from them."

Sasuke visibly brightened. "I can bring a gun?"

"No." Sakura squirmed, slightly embarrassed. "I meant your powers of seduction."

Naruto chose this moment to break out into uncontrollable laughter.

--

"Anything else?" Sasuke flopped down onto the ground, arms crossed. "Even if I manage to _seduce_ someone doesn't mean they'll disclose valuable information."

Ino nodded. "I thought of that. You're going to have to get them drinking."

"And if it doesn't work?"

"Fool around with him for a while, without exposing yourself, and then leave."

Ino was a brave, brave, girl.

--

Grumbling, Sasuke heaved his silken kimono into the backseat of Neji's car. Naruto sat shotgun, grinning like a maniac while eyeing Sasuke appreciatively through the mirror.

"Stop that, dobe."

"See you Sasuke-kun!" Ino and Sakura screamed waving at him from the driveway, once more in fan girl form. "We'll see you in two months!"

"You shouldn't call him that in public anymore." Neji smirked, getting into the driver's seat. Sasuke seethed.

The ride was a short one, and soon they were pulling through the entrance archway of kabuki-cho.

"Five more minutes, Sasuke-teme."

Sasuke told the blond dobe to shut the hell up.

--

Neji screeched to a stop in front of their destination, and ushered Naruto and Sasuke out.

It was daylight, and foreign tourists flocked the streets, not knowing the true nature of Japan's red-light districts. They stared in awe at Sasuke.

"Mommy! Mommy!" A little kid shrieked in English, tugging at a nearby woman's sleeve. "Look at that pretty girl! What's she wearing?"

Sasuke had taken English last year. He glared at the kid, making her burst into tears.

Naruto glanced sympathetically at the kid, and turned, grinning uncontrollably to Sasuke. "Ready to go in? _Pretty girl_."

--

Club Arisu was built in the traditional Japanese style, with wooden walls and a roof supported by bamboo beams. A window display showed outsiders not women (gasp), but an assortment of foods to be ordered. A young woman wearing a purple-hued kimono kneeled by the entryway.

Looking up as the two entered, the woman quickly bowed low, "Welcome, _onii-san_." (**A.N.**: No, Naruto is not her older brother. It's just a standard greeting that the "undercover" prostitutes use when greeting guests.) She avoided eye contact with Sasuke, although he could feel her eyes boring into him when he looked away.

Naruto attempted to sound businesslike. "I'd like to meet with Pein-san. It's about the new…arrival we discussed earlier. "

The woman looked closely at Sasuke and blushed. "I think that's in order. My name is Karin." She stood, gave Naruto another bow, and motioned for them to follow, walking briskly towards the kitchen.

Upon entering the kitchen, the Karin led them all the way to the back of the room, completely ignoring the curious glances of the cooks. Sasuke tried following her example, and failed, utterly embarrassed at the lustful glances sent his direction. Naruto snickered.

In the back of the room, next to the boiler, was a small, metal door. Karin grabbed it and yanked, hard. The door groaned open, and she stepped in, and loud music came blasting out.

Naruto crawled in after her, lending a hand to Sasuke, who was struggling in his kimono.

The scene in front of them was exactly what Sasuke had gazed on in the many checkups he had performed when the club was still in the possession of Konoha. Still, he tried to look awed, as Karin was obviously expecting it. Naruto really _was_ awed, as Tsunade had never allowed him into the back bar room before.

Karin began walking again. Naruto and Sasuke followed, while eyeing the club.

The "back room" of Club Arisu was actually a large, circular cavern. It was easily large enough to fit an entire school into. Along the walls of the room were a line of doors, each leading, Sasuke knew, into a bedroom. The keys may be rented for a night for a ridiculous price.

A DJ's booth was set up on a huge towering stage in the center of the room, the music systems blasting at a deafening volume. People were crowding the dance floors, rubbing against each other both intentionally and unintentionally as they danced, for even though there was massive floor space, the place was _packed_.

Yup, Club Arisu was a big loss to Konoha. They should have been more careful. No wonder Tsunade had been beyond pissed when she learned of the Akatsuki's takeover.

Many couches and booths were set up all around the dance floor, all of them occupied by one or more men surrounded by a giggling hoarde of girls, all dressed in different colored kimono.

Oh god. Sasuke shivered. Was that going to be his job?

A large bar was set up near the side, with giggling girls and a few men serving drinks.

Wait. Men? Sasuke frowned. Hadn't Sakura insisted that it was absolutely necessary for him to go as a woman?

Sasuke screamed his question into Naruto's ear, trying to be heard over the music, which luckily drowned out all sounds of their conversation from Karin.

"Duh, teme." Naruto shouted over the noise. "Uchiha Sasuke would be too obvious if he came. You're freaking _brother_ runs this place now, remember?"

Oh. Right. _Itachi_. Sasuke clenched his fist unconsciously.

Karin led them up to a blue haired woman sitting at the bar. "Konan-sama."

The woman turned around, and Karin bowed low. "These two are hear to see Pein-sama. It's a new arrival."

The woman who was Konan nodded, and signaled to Karin that she was dismissed. She gave one last, deep, bow, and shuffled off.

"Your name?" Konan asked.

Sasuke jumped. So did Naruto. They had forgotten to think up a name.

Sasuke gritted his teeth. "Uchiha Sasuke" was definitely going to be a no-no in this one.

Konan blinked. "Well?"

Naruto spoke up first, "Sasu—!"

Sasuke slammed his foot down on Naruto's, grinding his heel in for extra measure. Naruto grunted in pain, turning it into a sneeze in front of a very confused Konan. .

"—ko." Sasuke finished with a smile. "My name is Sasuko"

Sasuke was seething. Either Naruto was more of an idiot than he had ever thought, or the dobe was trying to foil the mission on purpose. If he had a bag, Sasuke would surely be blowing into it by now.

"Sasuko." Konan whispered, Sasuke nodded furiously.

Naruto and Sasuke both grimaced at the monstrosity of a name they had just created. Sasuke more than Naruto, because apparently, "Sasuko" was going to be the name that he going to be stuck with for the rest of his investigation. '_Thanks a lot, Naruto_.'

Konan had a pained expression on her face. "Sasu…ko, eh? That's a very unusual name. We may have to have you work under a pseudonym. "

Sasuke breathed out a sigh of relief. "Yes, m'am."

Konan sat in silence for a moment, studying Sasuke. Sasuke took this moment to study her back.

She was a beautiful woman, in her twenties, with dark blue hair, which she tied up and accented with a paper flower. Her face was expressionless and smooth, save for her lip piercing.

"What do you think?" Asked Naruto, attempting to sound professional again. "Like what you see?" He gestured at Sasuke.

Apparently, Konan did, and she stood, handed her drink to a bartender to discard of. "Come with me, Pein is this way."

Sasuke allowed himself to be led to one of the doors circling the club's walls. This one, he remembered, had been Kakashi's office, the manager's office. Kakashi was currently sulking at headquarters.

Konan opened the door without knocking, and stepped in. "Pein."

A still figure at the far back of the room stirred. "Yes?"

"I have the new arrival."

"Bring her here."

Konan gave Sasuke a little push, and he forced himself to trudge over to the figure sitting at Kakashi's desk.

"Pein is our leader." Konan informed him simply.

This caught Sasuke's attention. The leader? Only a few in Konoha-kai had ever seen his face. Sasuke subtly quickened his pace.

"Stop." A low voice ordered.

Sasuke stopped, and shivered. He had a cold voice, a hard tone.

It was dark, and Sasuke jumped when he felt thin fingers lift his chin. He could hardly see. Squinting, Sasuke managed to make out bleached orange hair, icy grey eyes, and a face full of piercings.

Sasuke was, undeniably, scared.

The hand let him go. "This one's good. Better than most of what we've got anyway. She'll be working in the club."

Konan nodded curtly.

Pen once again stared down at Sasuke. "Your name"

Sasuke gulped, and was prepared to answer with a choked out "Sasuko" when Konan interrupted. "She is Yukiyo."

Pein made a sound of approval.

Konan's figure shifted in the doorway. "I'll go prepare a room." She nodded curtly and left.

Pein focused his attention on Naruto. "How much do you want for her?"

"Sixteen grand." Naruto replied, reading the notes Sakura had practically carved into his hand.

Sasuke sighed.

Pein raised an eyebrow, and action that Sasuke barely caught in the darkness. "And why would I pay such an amount for a single woman? We have many other beautiful attractions."

"Yes." Naruto said, switching to his other hand, "but none can compare to…Yukiyo." He needed a moment to get used to the name.

Pein nodded slowly. "That is true."

Naruto smirked. Sasuke sent a glare in his direction.

"I trust we will make the transaction then?"

"Yes." Naruto agreed.

"Please head over to the counter of our restaurant to receive your payment."

The two men shook on it.

Sasuke hated the feeling of being sold.

--

**Author's Note:**

Heeey. Once again, I have things to explain.

I wrote this chapter with severe hiccups going on and off, so my mind was not exactly focused solely on writing. Just wanted everyone to know that.

By the way, Karin kneeling by the doorway of the "Japanese restaurant" kind of gives away the kind of activities that go on in secret in there. Usually, the manager(if it's a woman) or the manager's wife kneels by the door, welcoming guests. The welcoming phrase Karin says also kind of gives it away.

And to clarify things a little more, Club Arisu is a traditional Japanese restaurant on the outside. However, through a small door in the back of the kitchen, you can enter the night club/brothel. All of the "available" staff wear kimonos, because it makes it easier for poor Sasuke to fit in, if you know what I mean.

Yes, Sasuko is a bad name.

The kanji I chose to make up this name are:

Sa left

Su beehive

Ko child

Sasuke's name originally is composed of the Kanji for 'Sa' and 'Suke'. 'Suke' is a suffix that can be used in a boy's name. (i.e. Kosuke, Daisuke, Kamenosuke…)

'Ko' is a common suffix for girl's names. Since Naruto had already blurted out "Sasu", Sasuke had no choice but slap a 'ko' to the end of the name.

That's it. lol

Review or Sasuke will elope to a far away place with Jiraiya. (NO REALLY.)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Yes, I am Masashi Kishimoto-sensei, and I own Naruto

**Disclaimer: **Yes, I am Masashi Kishimoto-sensei, and I own Naruto

I can't think of anything else I need to say at the moment…

Enjoy.

--

"_I trust we will make the transaction then?"_

"_Yes." Naruto agreed._

"_Please head over to the counter of our restaurant to receive your payment."_

_The two men shook on it._

_Sasuke hated the feeling of being sold._

--

"Well then." Naruto scratched his head, looking a bit sheepish. "I'll get going."

Sasuke nodded and looked away.

It was only after Naruto's footsteps died away that Sasuke realized he was left _alone_ in the same room as _Pein_. He inched slowly towards the door.

"Yukiyo." It took a moment for Sasuke to realize that Pein was addressing him.

"Yes? Pein-sama." Sasuke prayed to the gods that he sounded feminine enough.

"Zetsu will take you to your room. Be ready to work at seven."

As if on cue, a human shape slithered out of the darkness from a corner of the room. Sasuke jumped, and squinted into the darkness suspiciously. How many more people were Pein hiding in there?

Zetsu stepped forward, and Sasuke felt his eyes widening. The man before him was dressed in full gardening attire, with a wide brimmed hat, a mud splattered apron, rubber boots, and gloves.

Zetsu's face was painted black and white, half and half. He was holding a potted plant in his hand. Upon closer inspection, Sasuke realized it was a Venus Flytrap.

"I am Zetsu. Nice to meet you."

Sasuke bowed as low as he could. He didn't seem that bad.

"You're wasting my time. Get yer ass moving."

Or not.

"This way please. You must be tired. I'll show you to your room."

Sasuke followed, but kept his distance. This man was insane.

--

To the outside, Club Arisu was a two story establishment, with a restaurant on the first floor, and living quarters for the employees on the second. To long time patrons however, there was a another floor, underground, that could be reached from the kitchen. This was the actual "Club Arisu".

Sasuke found himself having two separate conversations with Zetsu as the man led him out of the bar and back into the kitchen. One was a pleasant discussion on the many aspects of gardening, which Sasuke seriously knew nil about, and the other was a heated exchange of every insult under the sun.

The two stopped for a moment at the counter in the restaurant, where Zetsu picked up a set of room keys, ignoring the curious glances sent his way.

"Let's go, you little fuck."

By this point, Sasuke was already too tired to retaliate.

--

Zetsu brought him to a long, narrow, hallway that led to the foot of a flight of stairs. He tossed Sasuke they keys. "Room 32. On you're left. I'm going back to the club."

Sasuke bowed his thanks like a good girl, straightened up, and proceeded to run straight into someone's chest. Sasuke immediately stumbled backwards, stammering his apology.

"Oh? I havn't seen you around before." The voice was low, and the words drawled out.

Sasuke looked up. The man looked familiar. Blue hair, blue skin, shark eyes, shit-eating grin.

Oh. Right. Itachi's partner.

Sasuke bit back a groan, and attempted to keep his murderous feelings off his face. The last time the they had met, the man had watched in interest as Itachi gave Sasuke one of the worst beatings since the beginning of mankind.

Sasuke's glare sprang up, and he forced it back down. He attempted to turn the corners of his lips upwards and failed miserably. He settled for a pout.

--

Kisame looked down at the girl who had run into him. She was a real looker, with big, onyx brown eyes, smooth creamy skin, and full pink lips. He frowned. It was really too bad she seemed to be having facial spasms.

After a while, the girl's face seemed to settle, and her lips puffed into a pout. Kisame grinned. She was cute.

"Excuse me." She whispered out, avoiding eye contact.

Kisame stepped aside, making room for her to pass. Her pout deepened and got even cuter as she noticed his smirk.

He watched the way her waist swayed and kept an eye on her butt as she walked past.

--

The shark man was a bastard. This, Sasuke was sure of as he noticed the stupid smirk on his face. He walked briskly past, gritting his teeth at the feeling of a pair of eyes on his ass. Sasuke kept his eyes locked on the ground, determined not to turn around and give Kisame a punch to the gut.

He had only gotten to the foot of the stairs when he once again ran into someone coming down.

"Excuse me." He gasped out. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Hn." Came the only response.

Sasuke was irritated. It sounded arrogant, narcissistic, and reminded him of _himself_. He looked up at the person's face, and immediately snapped his head back down again.

'_Crap. Crap. Crap. What the fuck is he doing here_?' Sasuke bent into the lowest bow he could, and seriously hoped he had not been recognized.

Sasuke could feel deep, onyx, eyes, boring into the back of his head. He focused his eyes on the man's black boots and the very bottom of his tight black jeans, screaming at himself not to look up.

He heard the man run a hand through his long, black hair, which, he knew was tied back loosely.

"Watch it."

The voice was low and smooth. Slightly deeper than Sasuke remembered from his childhood.

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

There was only silence from the man who stood above him. Sasuke was worried. Had he been recognized?

"Oi, Itachi! What took you so long?" Kisame called from down the hall, breaking the silence.

Itachi said nothing, though he took a step forward, indicating that he expected Sasuke to step aside.

'_Stupid, arrogant, asshole_.' All of the murderous feelings he harbored for his older brother rushed back once Sasuke had gotten over the initial shock of the meeting. Sasuke felt for the small blade he had tucked into the sash of his kimono, body still bent into a bow.

"_Don't blow your cover_!" Sakura's voice chose this moment to begin echoing around his head. Sasuke grimaced and pried his fingers off of the handle of the blade. He scooted to the side, making room for the man to pass.

Sasuke turned his face as far away from the man as possible as he breezed by, secretly hoping that he would trip on an uneven floorboard.

No such luck.

--

Itachi eyed the strange girl as he walked pass. He almost smiled when he noticed her practically smashing her face into the wall in a heroic, yet uncalled for, effort not to look at him.

From the brief glimpse of her face that the girl allowed him, Itachi knew that she was very beautiful. Itachi tilted his head a bit, looking back at the girl still plastered to the wall. She was slim, and _curvy_. Yes, she would be good for business.

Kisame was now walking beside him, chattering loudly about the "strange new hot girl". Itachi ignored him, lost in his own thoughts.

Her eyes, the intensity of her gaze, the murderous aura she radiated at him, they reminded him of Sasuke.

--

When Itachi and his partner were out of sight, Sasuke finally peeled himself off the wall and allowed himself to straighten into a standing position. He smoothed out his kimono, breathing heavily.

Sasuke cursed himself for allowing his teammates to talk him into this, and cursed them for using Itachi as a persuasive tool.

He had lost all ability to think when Itachi's name came into the equation, forgetting that the mission was to _gather information_…something that could not be done if he was running around trying to kill his brother.

Plus, he wanted to exact his revenge as a man, having surpassed his brother in strength through his own hard work, not as some giggly prostitute woman who happened to take Itachi by surprise.

Sasuke told himself not to despair. Two months, Sakura had said. Two months…

…Holy fuck.

Sasuke did some breathing exercises that he had allowed Lee to show him just for the occasion. He would deal with it, because he was an Uchiha, and because he didn't want to see the smirk Naruto's face that was sure to be in place if he went crawling back.

'_This is for Konoha-kai. This will help the gang_.' He wasn't very convinced, but he forced himself to let it slide.

Sasuke unclenched his fists and managed to make it to the door to his room without running into any more obstacles.

He inserted the key, and the door clicked open, revealing a small dwelling with one bed, a single lamp, and a worn-out couch. There was a bathroom, Sasuke noted with relief. Club Arisu treated its workers well.

There was a large plastic bag sitting on the bed, filled with the variety of outfits Ino had prepared, and a bag of toiletries. Sasuke was quite gratified to her for sending them over.

--

Sasuke sat up blearily, rubbing his eyes. Glancing around, he noted that it was getting dark.

"…_Be ready to work at seven." _Pein's words came floating into his mind.

After locating the clock, he registered the time: 6:57

Sasuke bolted out of the bed and was out into the hallway in record time, slamming his door as he dashed towards the kitchen. He ran past a group of bewildered cooks, and dove through the door into the club.

It was every bit as crowded as it was in the morning. Sasuke battled his way through the crowd, and finally found his way into Pein's office.

"I'm here, Pein-sama." Sasuke gasped, trying to convey an image of calm.

Pein raised an eyebrow at his disheveled clothing and mussed hair.

Konan was standing at his right. "Yukiyo. Straighten yourself up." She said, gesturing at Sasuke's general appearance. "Then I'll tell you what to do."

Sasuke did as he was told, cheeks an excellent shade of pink.

--

Konan lead Sasuke out of Pein's dark office, through the crowd, and in front of the tables in the bar area. She took grabbed a pad and pencil from somewhere in her tight black slip dress, and handed it over to Sasuke.

"You'll be servicing tables ten through fifteen."

"Servicing?" Sasuke didn't like the way she said the word.

"Yes. Taking orders and interacting with our customers."

Sasuke didn't like the way she said "interacting" either. "But--"

"You'll mainly be taking orders though." Said Konan. "Only spend time doing _other things_ with a customer if he requests it and your other tables are manned."

"Huh?" Sasuke hated how he sounded so clueless.

"You'll be working with a partner."

"Who--"

"Hi! Yukiyo, I'm Karin! Remember me?"

Sasuke glanced over. Oh. It was the girl at the doorway.

He glanced over at her odd hairstyle and glasses. She seemed much more energetic now than earlier.

"Hn." He grunted, before realizing that he was supposed to be a _girl_. "Yeah, I'll be doing my best." Sasuke giggled. Wait. _Giggled_? This was going to kill him.

"Your shift ends at two. (A.M.)" Konan informed him simply, before melting into the crowd.

A man at table eleven waved. "Waitress!"

Karin reappered, tugging at Sasuke's sleeve. "I'll go. You can watch me and see how it's done."

She sashayed over to the table, swinging her hips widely. "Can I help you?" Sasuke watched from a distance.

The man motioned for Karin to come closer, and she did, planting herself firmly and seductively onto his lap. Sasuke frowned. He was _not_ doing that.

Karin tilted her head so that the man's lips were almost at her neck. She drew him closer. Sasuke watched their lips moving, apparently in some kind of sick conversation.

The man made his order, and Karin immediately pulled away, winking at Sasuke and walking over to the bar to inform the bartender of the order.

The man Karin left behind looked disappointed, but he was immediately surrounded by a gaggle of cooing Club Arisu girls coming in to fill Karin's gap. Sasuke looked on in distaste.

"Yukiyo!" Karin stood by the bar, gesturing frantically for him to go over. Sasuke complied.

He noticed that Karin was blushing and very out of breath. Plus, she was now in a squatting position behind the bar, obviously spying on something.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, and was immediately pulled down to the floor by Karin. "Shhh. Do you want us to get caught?"

Sasuke shook his head, utterly bewildered.

Karin squealed. "Look over there. Those are some of the Akatsuki."

Another squeal. Sasuke followed her pointing finger, and his gaze rested on a group of four, surrounded by the biggest mass of giggling girls he had ever seen.

He immediately spotted his brother, calmly sipping his drink with a disapproving frown on his face. Itachi seemed not to notice the hoard of screaming girls tearing at his clothing. Sasuke narrowed his eyes and growled. Karin shot him a strange look, before attributing his actions to lust.

Kisame sat at Itachi's right. Unlike his stoic partner, Kisame seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. Sasuke was moderately shocked at the number of girls he was able to cram onto his lap.

To Kisame's right sat a stony faced red-head and a long haired blonde. Both were too busy bickering about something to pay much attention to the mass of women getting _way_ too close.

Karin pointed them out as Sasory and Deidara.

"They're all so hot!" Karin gushed, fanning herself. "_Especially_ Itachi."

Sasuke snorted. "That bastard deserves to die. "

"Excuse me?"

"No. It's nothing."

Karin gave him a long, hard stare.

Attempting to cover up, Sasuke tried again. "It's absurd how he puts me on high."

This earned him even more suspicion from his red-haired coworker.

In a desperate attempt to steer clear of the danger zone, Sasuke threw away all of his male pride. "I actually think Sasori's the cutest." He giggled. "He's so _cool_."

If he has to gush about some guy, it sure as hell was _not_ going to be Itachi.

Karin seemed to accept this and went back to spying on the four Akatsuki. Sasuke grimaced, glad that nobody he knew had been there to witness his mortifying experience.

But still…Sasuke found his eyes drawn to his brother. Itachi had always had perfect skin. It was smooth, and flawless, except for the two lines between his eyes. They were a nice addition though. Sasuke thought, nodding to himself.

'_Nice addition_?' Sasuke's world was brought to a sudden standstill. '_Smooth and flawless?_'

Sasuke felt like screaming. What the fuck was _wrong_ with him? He smacked himself over and over again as self punishment. Bad Sasuke. Bad Sasuke. You want to _kill _Itachi.

He focused his newly renewed murderous glare at the side of his brother's head, increasing the intensity in hopes of drilling holes there.

He glanced over momentarily when he felt Karin's questioning eyes on him. Sasuke tried to keep his face blank. "Yes?"

Karin just looked back with an understanding smile. "I know. Me too." She gushed.

What the hell was she talking about? Did she want to kill him too? Sasuke decided it was too much of a risk to ask. He looked away.

--

Karin giggled. Yukino was sooo obvious. _Everyone_ gets turned on by Itachi.

--

**Author's Note:**

Sasuke: No! No! Karin, you stupid, stupid, woman! You've got it all wrong!

--

And Karin misreads the tension in the air. :D

The past few updates have been really fast. That's because I had already prewritten these parts of the story. Therefore, all I had to do was split it up into sections and proofread.

I have just now run out of prewritten material. I'm going to need to write before each upload now, so the chapters should be coming up more slowly. Just felt like sharing.

Btw. I wanna know what everybody wants to happen in the story, like how you want future interaction between Itachi and Sasuke to go, and if there are any particular scenes that you want to occur. Gomen, but theres probably not going to be any lemon, just light romance. If you guys have any ideas, let me know. I just might use them. :D

Review or Sasuke will spend the entire next chapter sporting the same hair-do as Rock Lee.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer**: Standard disclaimer applies. My head hurts to much to think up a creative take on this.

--

Man. I really like to talk. If you're reading in secret, or are short on time, feel free to skip this and scroll down to the actual story. .

Okay. So I'd like to thank people for actually reviewing after reading. It's nice to know what everyone thinks.

I'm happy to announce that I havn't gotten any flames yet, which really makes my day. Let's keep it that way.

Sorry, sorry, SORRY, for the slow updates. I have a bad writer's block, and this update is basically to show you guys that I havn't forgotten about this fic...or given up.

If there are any other pairings that you would like to see, tell me, and I'll see what I can do. (But if you request a Sasukexsomeone else, I may or may not add it. And if I do, it'll probably be an "affair". And Itachi-kun will probably be aaaaangry.)

Also, I'm interested in knowing how you guys think Itachi and Sasuke should get together. Some feedback on that would be nice. 3

I apologize ahead of time for any typos or any other mistakes that I've made, please mentally correct them. :D

I also suggest reading the Author's Notes that I always post at the end of each chapter. They contain background info and other important stuff to help you understand things better.

Well then. Enjoy.

--

_Sasuke felt like screaming. What the fuck was wrong with him? He smacked himself over and over again as self punishment. Bad Sasuke. Bad Sasuke. You want to kill Itachi._

_He focused his newly renewed murderous glare at the side of his brother's head, increasing the intensity in hopes of drilling holes there._

_He glanced over momentarily when he felt Karin's questioning eyes on him. Sasuke tried to keep his face blank. "Yes?"_

_Karin just looked back with an understanding smile. "I know. Me too." She gushed._

_What the hell was she talking about? Did she want to kill him too? Sasuke decided it was too much of a risk to ask. He looked away._

--

Tsunade sat hunched over her desk, crossing and uncrossing her fingers as she stared sullenly out the window. Since Shizune's return, all of the many stashes of sake, whether those sitting atop her desk or the more subtly hidden bottles placed craftily beneath the floorboards, had all magically disappeared. Tsunade wondered what she had been smoking to willingly choose such a helish assistant.

Still, she sighed, Shizune was talented both in gang fights and in treating the many wounds that resulted from them.

Tsunade looked over across her desk from the corner of her eye at her two senior advisors. Both white haired and long since retired from the rowdy gang life, the two elders of the Konoha-kai sat side by side, sharing the same disapproving look.

The kumicho breathed out deeply through her nose, feeling an oncoming headache. She swivelled her chair to fully face her two advisors and put on her most commanding tone. "Uchiha Sasuke stays."

One of the elders, Obaako, jumped up, both were tense. "There will be complications, Tsunade. Don't be rash. Pull him out now. The less interaction he has with Itachi the be--"

"Uchiha knows better than to let his personal ambitions get in the way of his mission. He is fully aware that he can go traipsing after that brother of his, just as long as he's not on a mission."

The second elder, Ojiisuke, stood up to join his partner, a visible strain on his aging joints. "Tsunade. Rethink this! I am against Uchiha having anything to do with that brother of his."

Tsunade sensed panic in his voice. "Look. He's only been there for less than a day."

"But--"

"If it will put you at ease, I will send someone to check up on him."

"Tsunade--"

It was time to pull rank. "I am the Kumicho of Konoha-kai. I make the decisions. This discussion is closed."

Both elders looked beside themselves with fury. Tsunade was slightly curious on _why_ she was so insistent that Uchiha stayed where he was, maybe it was because the elders were so insistent that he be recalled. The urgency felt by the two elders to keep the brothers apart was unreasonable and unfatomable to Tsunade. They had almost seemed...frightened.

"You may leave now."

The elders walked out of the room with only the briefest tip of their heads at their leader.

--

"Out of all the candidates, why was Uchiha chosen? " Ojiisuke seethed, bolting the door of his office.

Obaako said nothing, though she was deep in thought.

"What if Itachi tells him everything?"

"Maybe we're blowing this out of proportion." Obaako attempted to pacify her companion. "Sasuke is disguised, and Itachi hasn't said a thing all these years."

"Yes, but that could easily change."

"Sasuke's hatred for his brother is already so deep, even if Itachi tells, he may not believe--"

"Yes, yes, you're right." Ojiisuke wheezed, feeling out of breath from his earlier outbursts. "We'll just keep an eye on them both."

Obaako looked coy. "Remember, Sasuke-kun _is_ under _our_ 'protection.' Itachi begged Sandaime for it to be so himself. Now that Sarutobi is dead, the only ones who know about _that night_ are Itachi and ourselves. His beloved baby brother is in our care. Itachi should know better than to try anything stupid."

--

The loud music blasting from the speakers combined with the noise from all around made Itachi's ears ring. Deidara was shrieking about his art at Sasori again, although the latter seemed to be completely ignoring the former, and hordes of screaming, giggling girls were ripping at him from all sides. Itachi batted the closest ones away non to gently, although Kisame seemed to be enjoying himself.

Itachi soon gave up on the present and allowed himself to slip into thoughts of the past.

--

"Itachi. How long have the Uchiha and Konoha groups been allied together?" Ojiisuke stopped his pacing to face the young Uchiha.

Thirteen-year-old Itachi looked up. "Since the beginning of both gangs." He allowed his normally impassive voice to show a tinge of pride.

"How long are you willing to go to protect that alliance?"

Itachi eyed the elder coolly, hiding inner confusion. "As far as it takes."

Obaako licked her lips and leaned in close. "The day for you to put those words into action may come sooner than you think."

--

Itachi traced his finger around the rim of his martini glass, broken out of his thoughts by a shriek of laughter coming from Deidara's general direction.

A very drunk Deidara was cuddling up close with Sasori, who's usually placid face was a mask of suffering.

"You're drunk." Sasori accused in his usual deadpan.

Deidara giggled. "Oh! Sasori-danna!" He lunged forward with incredible speed, lips puckered. "A kiss!"

SMACK! Sasori met his partner's lips with the back of his hand.

Deidara blinked, swaying back and forth. Multiple Sasoris were blurring and dancing before him. Deidara's eyes widened. His danna was inviting him forward! He lunged once more at the closest Sasori.

"Danna!"

SMACK!

"Danna!"

SMACK!

"Dannnnna!"

Itachi sighed. Deidara had a purpose, and try as he might, Sasori was going to have to give in one way or another.

--

Sasuke watched in disgust as the stupid blond man repeatedly threw himslef at Sasori, only to be slapped away each time.

Beside him, Karin was giggling uncontrollably.

This was the Akatsuki?

--

The two were still kneeling behind the bar, and the bartender was giving them suspicious glances.

Sasuke's knees were beginning to ache, and a customer was asking for his bill at one of his tables.

Sasuke stood. His brother was getting to be an eyesore. "I'll go." He gestured at the customer.

Karin nodded, still enthusiastically raping Itachi with her eyes.

--

Naruto scratched his head. "But why can't I go?"

Tsunade felt something inside of her snap and crumble into dust at her blond subordinate's idiocy.

"Because," she hissed, "The. Akatsuki. Will. Recognize. You"

Naruto made a noise of confusion in the back of his throat.

"You sold him remember?" Tsunade exploded, nails gouging into the polished surface of her desk.

Naruto scrunched up his nose. "So?"

--

Shizune paused her cleaning of the medical ward as Tsunade's resounding roar echoed through the building. "...?"

--

**Author's Note**:

I'd like to take this time to inform you guys that the names of Konoha's elders in this fic are ridiculous, and come exclusively from my head.

Now, to explain:

Ojii: grandpa

Obaa: grandma

-suke: common ending of a boy's name.

-ko: common ending of a girl's name.

I seriously could _not_ think of anything else when I was writing, and they were made up in the spur of the moment.

If anyone knows their actual names, please tell me, but I can't guarantee that I'll correct them. (I hate to admit it, but they've kinda grown on me.)

--

If there is a "perfect" moment that you really think should be in this fanfic, tell me. I just may listen.

--

I apologize that nothing extremely significant happened in this chapter...let's call it a filler(?)

To make it up to everyone, I'll right a 4,000 word plus sixth chapter... ...but there's a catch: I need reviews giving me feedback and telling me what you guys wanna see happen. Okay?

Give me at least ten. :D dodges rocks thrown at her.

But I promise that I'll update before October or when you guys hit ten reviews. (I need some time to think.)

Review, review, review. If you're wondering why I seem to be so obsessed about getting these reviews, it's because I get a kick out of reading them.

And now, for my custom "please review line":

Review or Itachi will become a eunich.

An extremely sexy eunich, but still a _eunich_.

Even if you don't care about heno's review obsession, think of Sasuke and Itachi's future sex life. :O

--

Ja Ne,

Heno.


	6. Chapter 6

Naruto scratched his head

**Disclaimer**: The day I gain ownership of Naruto is the day I will run naked through the streets in happiness, buy everyone in sight a cup of coffee, and change the name and the overall plot of the story to something along the lines of: _Sasuke and Itachi's Ultra Kinky Fuck-a-thon_.

Heno hopes that day comes soon.

**Author's Note:**

Heno here. The overall opinion on the last chapter was that it wasn't as good as it could have been. I apologize for that, and I'll admit that it was written without much thought on quality. I was trying to prove that the story hadn't been abandoned. I may go and edit it later on.

Soooo. I made this chapter _extra_ long, and I attempted to make it _extra_ good…I hope…but that's not for me to judge.

Enjoy.

--

_Naruto scratched his head. "But why can't I go?"_

_Tsunade felt something inside of her snap and crumble into dust at her blond subordinate's idiocy._

_"Because," she hissed, "The. Akatsuki. Will. Recognize. You"_

_Naruto made a noise of confusion in the back of his throat._

_"You sold him remember?" Tsunade exploded, nails gouging into the polished surface of her desk._

_Naruto scrunched up his nose. "So?"_

--

Sasuke felt himself begin to nod off as he sat leaning against the door outside of Pein's office. Inside, he could faintly hear the murmur of Pein's voice punctuated by brief seconds of silence and muffled groans, which worried him quite a bit.

Judging by the emptiness of the club, it was probably already three to four in the morning. Itachi and the rest of the Akatsuki had left at about one, to Karin's disappointment. The last of the drunken guests were being herded out of the room. Sasuke eyed the mess wearily. Bottles, napkins, and remnants of food littered the tables and floor—which he knew he would have to help clean later, after his meeting with Pein.

As if on cue, the door to his right swung open, and Konan's tousled head appeared.

"Yukiyo."

Sasuke jumped.

"Pein will see to you now."

With that, Konan retreated back into the darkness of Pein's office, leaving the door open for Sasuke to follow. He did.

--

Pein's office was dark as usual, but Sasuke was suddenly aware of the musky odor of sex. Wrinkling his nose, he glanced over at Konan, who had moved to drape herself over her boss's lap. Completely ignoring a very shocked Sasuke, who, despite all his swagger was still very much a virgin, Konan darted out a pierced tongue to curl around the silver ring in Pein's lower lip.

Pein jerked his head away, and frowned disapprovingly at Konan's disappointed groan. Sasuke was not fooled, as the man's hand was obviously fondling _something_ under that desk of his.

He cleared his throat, averting his gaze. "You wanted to see me? Pein-sama?"

Pein held out a ringed hand. "Your earnings."

Sasuke dug around in his obi and produced a small coin purse. He walked forward and gingerly placed it in Pein's hand, flinching when his fingers brushed Pein's, which _had_, until recently, been in Konan's skirt.

Pein flipped through the wad of bills and made an approving sound in his throat. "Very good. From now on, you will report to Konan at the end of each day. You may keep ten percent of all earnings. Dismissed."

Sasuke bowed hastily and retreated, but not before witnessing the enthusiastic removal of Konan's shirt.

--

A flurry of heavy silk smashed against the wall, loosening plaster and shaking the lamps. Sasuke stood, breathing heavily and wearing only a pair of black boxers. The wig had already been torn off of his head, and scattered bobby pins littered the ground.

It had only been a day. _One. Fucking. Day_. Sasuke checked to see that the door was locked before pulling on a T-shirt and a pair of grey sweats.

Huffing, he flopped cross-legged onto his bed and pulled out the journal and pen that Tsunade had given him for the occasion.

Flipping to the first page, Sasuke uncapped his pen and began to write:

_Mission log:_

_Monday, 9-23-08, 5:15 A.M._

_Club Arisu._

_Arrival time: 9-22-08, 4:30 P.M._

_Delivered by Naruto to manager. Secured position in back room._

_Identity safe._

_Known members of Akatsuki encountered:_

_Pein- leader. Uses old manager's office in the back room. Keeps separate from most other members of Akatsuki. _

_Konan- Subordinate. Closest to Pein._

_Hoshiage Kisame- Disgusting pervert. His mother may have been a shark._

_Deidara- freak._

_Akasuna no Sasori- seems to be closely affiliated with Deidara._

_Zetsu- bigger freak._

_Uchiha Itachi- smear on the Uchiha's good name. Deserves to die. Disgusting painted nails. _

_Other known members: _

_Tobi, _

_Hidan, _

_Kakuzu._

_No suspicious activity witnessed yet._

Sasuke snapped the book closed and returned it to his bag. He would hand it off to a messenger from headquarters at the end of the week. His job was to make detailed, unbiased observations, but looking back at his writing, even Sasuke had to admit that that wasn't the case.

--

Karin dragged herself out of her tangled mess of sheets, making sure not to wake her client. Wrapping her kimono loosely around her, so not to soil the expensive silk, she picked up her pay and padded as silently as possible out the door towards her room.

A shower worked wonders, and soon she was humming down the hall in a white button down and loose cotton shorts. Her destination: the new girl's room. As far as she could tell, Yukiyo needed a mentor, a senpai, to show her the ropes of the prostitution business, and Karin was determined to do just that.

She stopped in front of the door, and knocked, hoping that Yukiyo was in.

--

Sasuke woke with a start. '_Gunshots!_'

He scrambled frantically out of bed, looking around wide-eyed for a weapon.

"Yukiyo-chan! Are you up?" Karin's muffled voice could be heard from outside his door, accompanied by her frenzied knocking.

'_Oh._' Sasuke flopped back onto his bed. "I'm sleeping."

"Yukiyo-chan," Karin persisted. "I thought we could get breakfast together."

"I'm sleeping."

"The restaurant's not open to the public yet, so I thought we could go eat together."

Sasuke groaned and tried to get his girl voice to work. "Coming."

He had just unlocked the door and turned the knob when he noticed his current appearance: no shirt, no wig, black boxers.

"Yukiyo-cha --"

Sasuke let out a squawk and quickly slid the lock back into place.

"Yukiyo-chan?"

"Give me a minute." Sasuke thought desperately for an excuse. "I'm--not wearing makeup."

Karin made a sound of understanding. "I'll wait then."

Half listening to Karin's rapid chatter, Sasuke tore around the room, halphazardly pinning his wig to his head, and putting on one of Sakura's old sundresses.

Karin visibly started when Sasuke emerged from the room, hair a mess, the straps of his dress hanging off of his shoulders.

She decided not to question why Yukiyo still wasn't wearing any makeup.

--

A member of the Akatsuki was counting money at the register when the two reached the foot of the stairs.

Immediately, Karin turned on the charm. "Kakuuuuzu-samaaaaa." She trilled, fingers drawing lazy circles across his chest. "You haven't played with me in a looong time."

Sasuke blanched and was horrified when Karin grabbed him by the arm to drag him closer. "This is Yukiyo. She's new."

Kakuzu turned his strange lamp-like eyes on Sasuke. "I see."

The man smelled of…money. At that moment, Sasuke took a wild guess and assumed that he was the Akatsuki's treasurer.

"I am Kakuzu. Treasurer."

'_Aha._'

--

"Jya, Kakuzu-sama." Karin the flirt was back full power. "The two of us are going to go get something—yummy to eat." She licked her lips suggestively.

"Go on then." Kakuzu flapped his hand at them, not looking up from his account book.

Karin pouted and dragged Sasuke past the register into the kitchen.

"You!" She shrieked, upon sighting the cook. "Breakfast! I'll have some toast." All charm had vanished.

The silver-haired man was unaffected. "Go make it yourself, bitch."

Karin aimed a kick at his shins, which he expertly dodged.

The man bared his oddly pointed teeth. "You're a fuckin' animal! _This_ is why you have no clients."

Sasuke watched as Karin's face twisted into a mask of fury. "And _this_," she screeched, "is why you'll never get laid!" The cook's look of confusion quickly turned into a howl of anguish as Karin's foot nailed him in his most treasured possession.

"My dick!" He sobbed, sending her tearful glare.

"Grow one!" She snapped. "Now I want my food, Suigetsu!"

Sasuke, who had apparently been forgotten during their exchange, cleared his throat. "I, uh, would like some too."

Suigetsu's head whipped around to face him. "Heeeey, babe. Now, _you_ I don't have a problem with."

"We should be working, Suigetsu." A giant of a man walked into the room. "You can hit on the ladies later."

Suigetsu crinkled his nose. "Juuuugo. But I want _this_ lady."

Sasuke leaned away from the finger pointing at his face.

Juugo sighed. "What would you two like?"

Karin sniffed. "Toast and a glass of water. Yukiyo will take--" She glanced over at Sasuke, implying that he should finish her statement.

"Tomatoes."

Juugo raised an eyebrow. "Raw?"

He nodded.

"Right. Coming right up."

--

"Ugh. Suigetsu—he's such a _bastard_." Karin spat through a mouthful of toast. "God. Pein should never have hired him."

Sasuke nodded, deciding to humor her. "Juugo is much nicer."

Karin shook her head, setting down her food. "He can be even worse."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "He seemed like the calm type."

"Yes, but he gets into these _moods_."

"Moods?"

"He turns into a complete psychopath. Starts wanting to kill everything he sees."

"…"

"Some days it's so bad that we have to strap him to a table."

Sasuke grimaced. "That's pretty bad."

Karin nodded. "Yeah, but everyone here is unique." Before Sasuke could register, she had pulled open the collar of her shirt.

"… …ew."

--

Sasuke's eyes had almost popped out of his head when he saw the state of Karin's skin under her high collared shirt.

Teeth marks, not hickeys, were scattered across the expanse of her upper body. Sasuke could make out each individual tooth and the relative jaw size of each of the people who left a mark. She looked like some giant teething toy.

"Are—Are you…okay?" He managed to choke out feebly, wondering if she was dying.

"Of course." Karin beamed. "Most of these are way old. I just have really sensitive skin."

"I'll say." Sasuke muttered, adamantly staring.

"It turns some people off, but I like them." Karin started re-buttoning her shirt. "They're memories."

Sasuke almost inhaled his tomato. _Everyone here was crazy._

_--_

Itachi rolled out of the sweaty body underneath him, and had to fight the urge to just lay down and sleep.

He impatiently batted the woman's reaching hands away, and grabbed for his clothing. He hadn't expected them to last this long, and he decided that it would be prudent to eat breakfast before attempting his next mission.

Pulling on his jeans, he didn't even bother to button his shirt as he left the room, sparing last night's partner no second glance.

--

Suigetsu looked up from the boiling pot of soup at the eldest Uchiha, all traces of earlier light-heartedness gone.

"Uchiha-sama." He bowed, before noticing another man entering the room.

"Hoshiage-sama."

"The usual."

"Please take a seat outside, we will bring it to you shortly."

"Hn."

--

The sitting area of the restaurant was practically empty, save for a few hookers here and there. Itachi ignored the stares of the women and chose a table in the far corner of the room, Kisame followed.

Not saying a word, Itachi poured himself some tea.

"It looks like you had one hell of a night." Kisame smirked. "Was she satisfactory?"

Itachi stared disdainfully up at his partner. "Quite."

"You know, the leader's gotten a new arrival. I'm thinking of checkin' her out tonight."

When he received no reply, Kisame's grin grew even wider. "Or have you already done it?"

Itachi closed his eyes, looking eerily serene for a mass murderer. "We have a mission today."

The blue-skinned man looked crestfallen. "Aw. Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"I've told you now. The leader wants a raid on one of the Suna hotspots."

Kisame looked like an excited little kid. "Really? I thought he'd never get around to it."

"…"

"You know, if we hurry, we could still finish early enough to hit the club."

"…" Itachi's silence signaled the end of the conversation.

Kisame couldn't help but put in one last jab, "You know, you're awfully talkative today_, Ita-wanwan_."

--

The shark-man stood, nursing his wounded eye and pride. "I'll go pick up the car."

As his partner left, Itachi caught sight of the two prostitutes who had been sitting at the table behind him.

One had unruly red hair—Karin, that was her name. She was a beauty, excellent in bed, someone that Itachi appreciated but did not pay specific attention to. Her companion on the other hand…was stunning. Large, onyx eyes stared down on the tabletop, and he saw that her lashes were long enough to lightly dust her cheeks. Full pink lips stood out from her pale, unblemished skin. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, which accented the curve of her bare neck.

The girl's eyes suddenly rose to meet his, and narrowed. At the intensity of her gaze, Itachi felt a sudden jolt of recognition. It was the girl from the hall, the leader's new arrival. She set down her breakfast, stormy eyes still on his face. Itachi's eyes followed her hand in its decent to the table. She had been eating a tomato.

They once again locked eyes.

Itachi was quite surprised when he spoke. "Is it good?"

The girl was visibly shocked, but she composed herself and nodded. She gave a whispered, "Yes."

"That's good."

The girl looked uncomfortable, both fists clenched the cotton tablecloth. She looked away, blushing furiously chewing on the corner of her bottom lip.

Itachi was about to open his mouth again when Karin turned around and noticed her idol. "Itachi-samaaaaaa!"

Any further conversation dried up, and Itachi excused himself, once more back into his cold persona.

--

To say that Sasuke was confused would be a major understatement. His brother, his most hated person, the man he had sworn to kill, had turned him into a pile of blushing goo with just three calmly uttered words.

"_Is it good?"_

The tone of voice he had used reminded Sasuke of the kind older brother of his childhood.

Sasuke tried to curl back into his hatred, he tried to convince himself that the only reason he had reacted at all was that he didn't know that Itachi could still use that tone of voice.

It worked. Almost.

--

Kisame hummed along to the radio, steering with one hand and tapping the dashboard in beat with the music with his other. His gun, newly cleaned and polished, lay as a comfortable weight across his lap. He glanced over at his partner. Silence on Itachi's part was not something out of the ordinary, but today his partner seemed off.

Kisame watched as Itachi shifted slightly in his seat, head propped up on a hand perched on the window. He was staring off somewhere, slender fingers tracing intricate patterns on the handle of his gun. What scared the shark-man the most was the expression on the Uchiha's face: _he was smiling_.

The upward pull of his lips was faint, barely noticeable, but _there_. Kisame, having spent multiple years with the Uchiha, who always had that blank, uncaring look, could attest.

Kisame leaned in closer, craning his head in an attempt to memorize every detail of this rare phenomenon.

"Watch the road."

The blue-skinned man jumped at his partner's voice, hitting his knees hard on the bottom of the steering wheel. "Right."

He sighed. Nothing got past Itachi.

--

_The jingle of keys and the soft "thump" of a backpack hitting the ground brought four year old Sasuke to attention._

_He leaped from his spot by the window to barrel down the hall._

"_Niisan! Niisan! Okaeri!" _

_His brother had laughed, before bending down and lifting him up. "I'm home, Sasuke."_

_Sasuke squirmed impatiently, "Niisan, was school fun?"_

"_Very."_

"_I'll be going too! Okaasan said next year…"_

"_Yes, yes, Sasuke." Itachi poked at his forhead. "Don't you want to see what I brought?"_

_Sasuke's eyes widened, and he reached towards the paper bag his brother was dangling before him._

_The rustle of paper was accented by a shout of glee. "Wai! Tomatoes! Thank you, niisan!"_

_Itachi smiled. "They're from Uruchi-baachan. Take a bite."_

_Sasuke did so, juice squirting out in every direction, dribbling through his fingers down his chin, and onto his shirt._

"_Is it good?"_

_The younger Uchiha nodded furiously. "Yes! Kaasan never buys tomatoes anymore…"_

--

Sasuke frowned at the sudden onslaught of memories.

"..ne, Yukari-chan?" Karin finished staring at him expectantly.

He started. "Ah. What?"

Karin gave him a look of impatience. "I_ asked_ if you were working tomorrow night."

He nodded, feeling a little off.

"Good. The Akatsuki's holding some sort of conference tomorrow. All of them will be there. You can help me cater, okay?"

Sasuke's mind focused on the words _Akatsuki_ and _conference_. It was a golden opportunity. This would be something Tsunade would want to know about.

He nodded. "Okay."

Karin clapped her hands in glee. "It's settled then!" She paused before squealing. "Itachi-sama will be there too!"

At the thought of his brother, Sasuke's heart sped up with an unknown feeling.

--

**Author's note**:

Looove, Sasuke, it's loooove. Anyhow, I do sincerely hope that this chapter is better than the last. It is, however, considerably longer. 8D (twelve pages on word.)

I'm kind of annoyed at myself at the rate things are going in this story. I'll start speeding things up between the two in the next chapter, although it looks to me like this story is going to be a really long one. Whether that's good news or bad, it's up to you readers to decide!

And again, if there are any typos, grammatical errors…etc., feel free to tell me. (Although there's a slim chance that I'll do anything about it.)

I'm also concerned about _why_ I made everyone such weirdoes in this fanfic…it was unintentional, so I think it may be a reflection of my own strangeness…

--

Review or Sasuke will die in a freak accident involving a large steamroller.


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